Returning to an abuser is not a personal failure but a consequence of a lack of safe alternatives, says Martina Perić from the Solidarna Foundation. Last year, the Women's Fund supported 120 women and 172 children.
The question of why a victim didn't simply leave is one of the most unfair questions we can ask a woman who has survived violence, warns Martina Perić, coordinator for direct work with beneficiaries at the Solidarna Foundation. In an interview with Tportal, she explains that violence rarely begins with a physical blow. Control, isolation from loved ones, financial dependence, humiliation, and the gradual destruction of self-esteem are the initial steps.
After years of such a relationship, many women lose the sense that they have a choice. For months or years, they think about how to protect themselves and their children, where they will live, and whether they will be safe once they distance themselves from the abuser.
Perić emphasizes that women who reach out to the Women's Fund are most often simultaneously exposed to various forms of violence, with economic violence often remaining in the shadows.
"Those who come to the Women's Fund are most often simultaneously exposed to various forms of violence-psychological, physical, and economic. It is precisely economic violence that often remains less visible, although it is one of the key reasons they cannot leave. If a person has no access to their own money, no safe accommodation, and no support at a critical moment, the possibility of choice becomes very limited," Perić told Tportal.
The Women's Fund, which has been operating since 2019 within the Solidarna Foundation, steps in precisely here by providing financial support to women and children who are victims of domestic and sexual violence. Over the past year, the Fund provided assistance to 120 women and 172 children.
According to Perić, the needs have not changed significantly, although the costs of living and legal proceedings are rising.
"Most often, we approve funds for housing costs and basic living needs, but also for legal fees, court proceedings, medical treatment, psychological support, or education and retraining. At first glance, these may seem like different needs, but they all share the same goal: to help a woman build conditions in which she won't have to choose between safety and survival," Perić summarizes.
She stresses that women rarely ask for much.
"What I want to emphasize is that women rarely ask for 'more.' They ask for the minimum that allows them to move forward: a safe roof over their heads, a child's bed, a washing machine, money for a lawyer, or the ability for their children to continue attending school without additional stress. That is precisely why the Fund doesn't just cover costs. It helps women maintain the safety they have fought for and, step by step, rebuild an independent life," she says.
According to global data, women on average return to their abuser seven times before leaving for good. Although there is no systematic data for Croatia, organizations working with victims are aware that this also happens here.
"It is important to understand that returning is not proof that the violence wasn't serious or that the woman didn't want to leave. Often, it's quite the opposite. Returning is a consequence of a lack of safe alternatives. If a woman has nowhere to live, has no income of her own, has no support for her children, or is in the midst of lengthy legal proceedings, she sometimes returns because she has no other solution. That is why we should not view returning as a personal failure of the woman, but as an indicator that, as a society, we have not yet built a sufficiently strong support system," Perić points out to Tportal.
Between a woman's decision to leave and the moment the system can respond, there is a critical space where help must arrive immediately.
"Rent cannot wait. Children cannot wait. Legal fees cannot wait. Life doesn't stop while administrative procedures drag on. This is exactly where the Women's Fund of the Solidarna Foundation steps in, but we do not replace institutions. Our role is to fill the gap that often determines whether a woman will manage to stay out of violence or, due to a lack of basic conditions, be forced to return to the situation she tried to escape," Perić explains.
Donors also play an important role in driving change.
"The Women's Fund is an example of how philanthropy can act as a social innovator-identifying a gap in the system, developing a solution, and ensuring that people don't go without support at the moment they need it most. That's why long-term support from individuals and organizations is crucial-those who understand that sustainable social change is not built only by reacting to consequences, but by investing in mechanisms that solve problems before they become tragedies," the coordinator says.
Perić concludes that we pay too little attention to what happens after a woman leaves an abusive relationship-the new struggle for life.
"For real change, we must build a society where violence against a woman, a child, or any person is not something that is justified, minimized, or silenced, but something that is simply unacceptable. This means changing the way we talk about violence: stop asking why the woman didn't leave and start asking why the violence was possible; stop viewing violence as a private family problem and recognize it as a matter of safety, human rights, and the responsibility of the entire society," Perić told Tportal.
In addition to the competent institutions, women can seek legal and psychological support from the following organizations:
