What is the most common mistake parents make when talking to teenagers?

According to child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins, the most common mistake is that parents talk too much and lecture, instead of listening and allowing the teenager to speak more than they do.

How can a parent encourage a teenager to talk?

The key is to start with an open question, then pause and truly listen to the answer without imposing solutions. It's important to create a safe, pressure-free environment.

Why is it important not to offer an immediate solution when a teenager confides in you?

Therapist Lauren Young explains that offering quick solutions can discourage a teenager. Instead, a parent should show understanding and gratitude for the trust, which builds a sense of security.

How is trust built between a parent and a teenager?

Psychotherapist Debbie Keenan emphasizes that trust isn't built overnight, but in quiet, everyday moments, often more than in big conversations.

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Child psychiatrist warns: the most common mistake parents make

O.B. · Prije 3h | 3 min

Dr. Willough Jenkins points out that parents often unconsciously lecture instead of having a conversation, and the key lies in a simple piece of advice: talk less, listen more.

Summary

Child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins warns that the most common mistake parents make is lecturing instead of having a conversation.
The formula for successful communication is: ask a question, pause, and truly listen.
Experts advise avoiding instant solutions and creating a safe, pressure-free environment.
Trust is built in everyday, quiet moments, not exclusively in big, serious conversations.

Talking to a teenager can feel like walking through a minefield. Parents often want to know what's going on in their child's life, but it's precisely this desire that leads to a fundamental mistake that results in shutting down rather than bonding. Child psychiatrist Dr. Willough Jenkins highlighted this on TikTok, and her advice was picked up by HuffPost.

"If you're the one doing most of the talking, you're probably not having a conversation with your teenager. That's called a lecture," Jenkins said bluntly. She explained that the goal of any conversation should be for the young person to speak more than the adult. "That way, you'll find out what they're really thinking, and they'll realize you're truly listening," she added.

A simple formula for dialogue

Her recipe for starting a conversation is surprisingly simple and consists of three steps. "Start with a question. Then pause. And really listen," the psychiatrist advises. That pause, no matter how awkward, is crucial because it gives the teenager space to formulate their thoughts and decide whether to share them.

In another post, Jenkins expanded on her view of successful parenting. In her opinion, it's reflected in a willingness to listen more than to lecture. Successful parents stay calm when problems arise, know how to admit and correct their own mistakes, and set boundaries with love, not fear.

A safe space without pressure or ready-made solutions

Experts gathered by HuffPost agree that creating a safe, pressure-free environment is crucial, especially when a teenager is going through a tough time. They recommend starting the conversation with open, non-intrusive questions like "How have you been lately?" or "How are you feeling about school, friends, or life in general?"

Therapist Lauren Young warns parents about another trap: the urge to immediately offer a solution. Instead, they should show that they understand how the teenager feels and thank them for confiding in them. In this way, the young person gets confirmation that they can rely on their parent.

Psychotherapist Debbie Keenan reminds us that opening up doesn't have to happen instantly. "Sometimes the goal isn't for the teenager to open up right away, but to remind them that they're not alone, that their feelings are valid, and that you're a reliable person in their life," she explained. She also warns that trust isn't built overnight, but in everyday, quiet moments. "Trust is built in quiet, everyday moments, often more than in big conversations," Keenan concluded.