Eleven Habits of Adults Who Felt Like a Burden in Childhood
Mental health experts explain how the childhood feeling of being a burden shapes adult behavior, from avoiding help to self-sabotage.
Mental health experts explain how the childhood feeling of being a burden shapes adult behavior, from avoiding help to self-sabotage.
When a child grows up believing they are unwanted or a burden to those around them, this pattern rarely fades with age. Even in adulthood, such individuals may live with the thought that their needs are a problem, and asking for support means imposing on others, reports Index.hr.
On the surface, this often looks like consideration, modesty, or extreme self-reliance. But beneath the surface usually lies a fear of being perceived as demanding, selfish, or difficult. Over time, this inner feeling shapes intimacy, self-confidence, and the way they handle disagreements.
The first and most noticeable sign is refusing to ask for help. Those who learned from an early age that their needs bother others find it hard to accept in adulthood that it's okay to seek support. Interpersonal relations counselor Andy Lopata, whose statement is carried by YourTango, emphasizes: "Asking for support from the right people doesn't mean you're a burden to them." By doing so, you actually give those who love you a chance to be your pillar, but those who didn't have that luxury in childhood often still feel like they're asking too much.
Self-reliance in itself isn't negative, but in these individuals, it often goes to extremes. Clinical psychologist Amy Marschall explains that excessive self-reliance can develop as a response to trauma. Those who have experienced painful events may come to believe they don't deserve help, especially if they were taught earlier that seeking it was unacceptable. As a result, they rely only on themselves, even when others' support would significantly ease their daily life.
Growing up feeling like a burden leaves a deep mark on one's self-image. Licensed social worker Michelle Risser notes that a person with damaged self-esteem may believe they don't deserve love, attention, or care. Such individuals often question others' intentions and worry they're asking too much.
When someone believes they cause problems for others, they often try to compensate by constantly pleasing others. Licensed therapist Dr. Jennifer Litner warns that perpetual people-pleasing can result in frustration, exhaustion, and burnout, and on top of that, it increases the risk of anxiety and depression.
The childhood feeling of being a burden also carries over into romantic relationships. Author Sanjana Gupta notes that lack of self-confidence often breeds insecurity in relationships because the person struggles to shake the belief that they don't deserve their partner's affection.
Children who felt like a burden early on adopt the rule that they must not ask for help and must do everything themselves. This pattern continues later in life, so such individuals pile up obligations because they're uncomfortable admitting that something is too much for them. Stanford psychologist Xuan Zhao cites research showing that people are willing to help much more often than we assume.
Those who grew up feeling like a burden often have a poor self-image, making it hard to accept compliments. Well-being consultant Suzie Pileggi Pawelski and psychologist James Pawelski note that people automatically reject praise, downplay it, or immediately reciprocate, so they never truly hear it or enjoy it.
Over-apologizing is another common pattern. Therapist Jocelyn Hamsher explains that this is often linked to a need to please others. Someone might say "sorry" even when they've done nothing wrong because they feel responsible for others' moods and can't stand anyone being angry.
A person with low self-esteem who believes they are a burden finds it harder to see that they deserve better treatment. According to data from the U.S. government site StopBullying.gov, those with low self-esteem, as well as those struggling with depression or anxiety, are more susceptible to bullying.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin explains that lack of motivation isn't always the main issue, but sometimes a signal of something deeper. In someone who has long felt like a burden, this can stem from the belief that their goals, needs, and achievements simply aren't important enough. Psychologist and mental health writer Lisa Fritscher adds that fear of rejection can permeate nearly every aspect of life, from career to friendships and relationships, and over time can prevent a person from relaxing in company and showing their true self.
