Five Phrases Parents Say That Increase Anxiety in Children
Psychologist Jaimie Bloch warns that common comforting words often have the opposite effect, while experts advise using open-ended questions to encourage children to truly open up.
Psychologist Jaimie Bloch warns that common comforting words often have the opposite effect, while experts advise using open-ended questions to encourage children to truly open up.
When a child is worried or scared, parents instinctively try to soothe them as quickly as possible. However, some seemingly harmless and well-intentioned phrases can have the opposite effect and heighten a child's anxiety. Psychologist Jaimie Bloch has warned about this, and her advice was shared by Index.hr.
Bloch highlighted five phrases that parents often use in an attempt to calm an anxious child, but which actually convey that the child shouldn't feel what they're feeling:
Instead of downplaying fear or worry, the psychologist advises parents to acknowledge their child's feelings and show that they are there for them until the fear passes. She emphasizes that a calm and supportive presence is worth more than finding the perfect sentence.
"Some of the most common things we say to anxious children are exactly the ones most likely to have the opposite effect. Changing just a few phrases-naming the feeling instead of dismissing it, and offering support instead of solutions-changes what the child's brain actually hears," Bloch concluded.
Narodno.hr brings expert advice on how parents can encourage more open conversations with their children. The problem, they say, isn't with children, but with how we address them. "How was school?" is one of the most common questions, and the answer is almost always the same-"Fine."
Psychologists explain that closed questions, which can be answered with "yes," "no," or a single word, rarely lead to real conversation. Instead, they recommend open-ended questions like: "What was the most interesting thing today?", "Did anything make you laugh?", or "What would you change about today if you could?". Such questions give children the opportunity to share their emotions and experiences in more detail.
Choosing the right moment to talk is equally important. After school, many children won't immediately talk about their day, but during car rides, walks, or before bed, they are often more open to conversation. Children usually speak up when they don't feel obligated to give an answer.
Parents are advised not to interrupt their child as soon as they start talking. Offering advice or seeking quick solutions can suggest that the parent isn't listening attentively. Sometimes a child just needs someone to listen and show empathy before offering a response or suggestion.
Experts note that not every withdrawal is a cause for concern. However, if a child avoids conversation for an extended period, seems sad, suddenly changes behavior, or loses interest in previously enjoyed activities, parents should be more cautious and possibly seek professional support.
The trusting relationship between parent and child is not built through one big conversation, but through everyday small moments. A few minutes of genuine attention, without phones and other distractions, is often more valuable than long conversations that happen only when a problem arises.
